Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
