that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
