I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
