ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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