My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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