Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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