no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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