I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
