Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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