For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
