I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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