Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
