Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
