I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
