Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
