there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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