these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
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I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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