Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
