I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
