your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
