What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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