i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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