He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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