So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
