Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
