Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
