Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Are my feet made of real feet?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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