The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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