Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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