Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My vagina is officially offended.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
