You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who died my cat blue again?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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