The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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