I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
