What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
