worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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