I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He better not be in your backpack
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
