Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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