your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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