just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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