he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
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