i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
