U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
