You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
