just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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