My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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