Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
