Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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