I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
