whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
