dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
