At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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