hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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