I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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