Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina