sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend