I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...