she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
