saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?