Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
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Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa