just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
