god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
