Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
