I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
