he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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