Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
