We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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