fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
