the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
