Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
