She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
