Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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